


Close Your Eyes and See Me

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:00:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24280204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: One night while Oswald pleasures himself rather loudly with Edward's name on his lips, Ed hears him and walks in on him. What follows is a mixture of awkwardness, feelings and unexpected surprises.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 10
Kudos: 104





	Close Your Eyes and See Me

Oswald tossed and turned in his large bed. He couldn't really fall asleep even though it was already past 3 am. Heat was pulling in his groin, making him restless and hungry for something he hadn't experienced before. There was no denying it. He wanted Edward. He wanted Edward not just as a friend, but also as a lover, as a life partner, as someone to share the rest of his life with. Instead he was forced to witness the love of his life kissing that horrible woman Isabelle in Oswald's own home, no less. It was painful. It hurt so badly to love someone unconditionally and not have them reciprocate even a little. All that love filling Oswald's heart -- wasted, unwanted, rejected. 

But he was being unfair to Edward. The man didn't even know how Oswald felt about him. It wasn't like he was hurting him on purpose. Oswald should've told Ed, but how could he when Ed clearly was "in love" with someone else? If Oswald had to be honest, he was sure what Ed felt for Isabelle was merely infatuation. She looked exactly like Edward's first love Kristen Kringle. That must've been the only reason he was so smitten with the little librarian. 

Oswald groaned. He shut his eyes again, craving sleep but all he could see behind his eyelids was the image of Edward kissing that damn woman. It burned him on the inside, making him wish he were dead. Or wish _she_ were dead…

He didn't want to think about that tonight. He didn't want to hurt anymore. So he tried to think about something else instead. Something happier. He remembered all the lovely moments he and Ed had shared, starting with the first days of their friendship when Ed saved his life, and going through all the times Ed had taken care of him since. Ed had always been so tentative, so gentle towards Oswald. It showed in the tiniest of things as well as in the big gestures. Everything they were to one another, everything Edward was doing for him. But it was the everyday affectionate care that Oswald cherished the most. A million tiny things every day. Ed removing lint from Oswald's suits, fixing Oswald's tie, fluffing Oswald's chef hat during publicity shots, preparing Oswald's schedule and making them tea, helping Oswald build his empire. 

And of course, there were the “treasures” Ed was unknowingly giving to Oswald each day. Oswald liked to call “treasures” the smiles and the hugs they shared, all those little casual touches of affection that demonstrated how close they were. Especially the hugs. Oswald _adored_ the hugs. How lovely it was to be gathered in Edward's arms and stay wrapped in the pleasant warmth of his body. To feel Ed's arms around him, to inhale Ed's scent, to listen to him breathing and feel his breath so close, so very close, almost close enough to kiss... 

If only Oswald could do that. If only he had the courage to lean up and kiss him. To press his lips to Ed’s and feel him kiss back! Oh, how fantastic would that have been! Oswald gave himself a moment to imagine it. Then his mind went further, imagining more. What if Oswald didn’t stop with a kiss? What if he slid his hand down Ed's chest? He'd be able to feel Edward's form underneath the layers of clothing. But, of course, that alone wouldn’t be enough! He’d want more! Ed would want more too… So Oswald would unbutton Ed's shirt and touch skin... 

Oswald bit his lip, hard. His cock was erect again. He didn't mean for that to happen, he rarely had that problem before. Usually it was only once in a while that he needed to take care of this biological necessity. But he never indulged in it too much and definitely never thought of another person while doing it, let alone his best friend! A part of him felt guilty for it. Not only because of Ed, but because of his mother too. What would she think about him if she saw what he wanted to do? How would she react if she knew her little Kapelput desperately wanted to touch himself while thinking of his best friend? He felt dirty for it, but this time instead of being ashamed of it, all he wanted was to indulge. Yes, it was embarrassing, but there he was now, thinking about Ed and imagining him in all kinds of scenarios that would never happen, _could_ never happen.

It was _so_ wrong! He shouldn't be doing this! Edward was asleep in the room next to his, unsuspecting of what Oswald was up to. But it was pointless to fight it. Oswald couldn't hold back anymore. He was desperate for release and exhausted beyond imaginable from this constant emotional pain. The love he felt for Edward was causing him so much heartache, he just needed to get away from the agony, at least for a few moments. It was the dead of night. Who would know if he surrendered to this little fantasy of his? He deserved it! After a lifetime of loneliness and pain, he deserved to give himself some pleasure. 

With this little pep talk in his head, Oswald slid his hand down his feverish body, hesitating a little before slipping it into his pajama bottoms. He touched his cock experimentally and the jolt of pleasure and desire he felt nearly shocked him. He gasped breathlessly and gave himself a few teasing strokes before gripping his cock more firmly and working it nice and fast. There was no time for taking it slow. He needed this, he needed Edward, at least in his fantasies, if not in reality.

“Ah! Ungh! Oh! Edward!” he kept moaning as he imagined it was _him_ that Edward was kissing tonight, _him_ that Edward wanted to take to bed. _Him_ , not Isabelle. 

In his mind's eye Ed was caressing him, gentle and loving at first before things got heated and passionate. Ed was pressing him against the wall of the study and kissing him senseless while Oswald whimpered and wrapped his arms around Ed’s neck. The taller man’s lips were warm and eager as he inched his leg between Oswald's thighs, driving Oswald crazy with desire. Oswald bit his lips to stop the desperate little whine that was threatening to escape out of him. He worked himself fast with his hand as he imagined rutting against Edward's thigh. 

It wasn't enough. Nothing was enough. He wanted Edward to touch him, to suck him off, to let him thrust into his tight heat. _God!_ He wanted Edward in his bed with him right now!

“Oh, Eddie!” 

Oswald pulled his hand out of his pants and rolled over on his stomach. Gripping the sheets tightly in his fists, he started thrusting his hips into the mattress. Pleasure was building up inside him and he clenched his eyes shut to better see his imaginary Edward. No reality allowed tonight! He didn't want to be reminded that he was alone, desperate and pathetic, humping his bed like he was in heat. He didn't want to feel this empty feeling of loneliness in his heart. He just wanted to be loved. 

Picking up his place with each thrust as his hard cock rubbed across the bed sheets, Oswald moaned into his pillow. It wasn't enough. God, it was never enough. He wanted more! He wanted--

“Edward…” His voice came out broken, nearly a sob. “Please, Edward, oh please, let me... Edward…” 

His moans and grunts were filling the empty room. He had never been this loud before, usually handling this sort of thing in haste, eager to get it over with. But tonight was different. Tonight he pictured himself with the man he loved. So he let himself moan, eyes shut tightly as sweat was gathering on his forehead. Another hard thrust, another obscene noise. This was not something Oswald did often, or ever, but he was desperate for release, desperate for Edward. He fucked the bed like a wild beast, on the brink of orgasm but never quite there yet. If only he could hear Ed's voice, moaning with him, taking his own pleasure from Oswald while whispering loving words into his ear…

“Please... Please... Eddie…” Oswald begged even though there was no one around to hear him. 

_I would do anything for you, Oswald. I continue to be in awe of you. You look quite handsome today._

Yes! Remembering Ed's precious words helped! Oswald was so close to the edge now!

“Ah, ah, ah... Yes... Yes…” Almost there... Almost there... Almost--

“Oswald?” 

For a moment he thought it was the fantasy, becoming uncharacteristically vivid in his head. But then suddenly he realized he was no longer alone in his bedroom. 

“Oh…” Edward sounded embarrassed, standing frozen at the door frame and not quite sure what to do. 

Oswald jumped horrified, pulling a pillow to cover his hard-on and panting hard as he tried to steady his breathing and calm down. 

“E-edward?” He felt dirty just for saying Ed's name at this moment. After what he had been caught doing.

“I--” Ed stuttered. “I'm sorry. I thought I heard you calling me, so I…” He trailed off, blushing furiously. “I'm very sorry, Oswald, I shouldn't have barged in here like this. I'll be off. I'm sorry.”

Without saying anything else, Edward stumbled for the door handle and left the room. 

Oswald was alone again. Sweaty and shaky, he was still panting and trying to think. How could he have been this stupid? How could he allow this to happen! He was an idiot! _God! Ed must hate him now!_ After witnessing _this_! He was probably disgusted. 

Oswald couldn’t allow this. He jumped off the bed, ignoring the sharp pain in his bad leg, and rushed after Edward. 

“No, Ed, wait!” 

He had no idea what he was going to say but he knew he couldn’t just leave things the way they were. They had to talk! Or he’d lose Ed completely and that was-- that was not an option! 

“Ed, will you let me in, please?” His voice sounded small to his own ears as he knocked on Edward’s door, waiting for the other man to open. 

“Yes, Oswald?”

Edward was in his night robe, somehow managing to look dashing and proper even at this time of night. Oswald hugged himself awkwardly. He didn’t even have time to grab his own robe on his way to Ed, so he felt terribly exposed right now. His every insecurity and fear dictated that he should look away, avoiding Edward’s scrutinizing gaze. But he didn’t. He fought that urge and met Edward’s eyes as bravely as he could. Oswald Cobblepot was not a coward. He let fear take control over him this one time when he couldn’t confess his feelings to Edward, and he was still paying for that. No more.

“Edward,” he uttered, unsure how to proceed from there. So he let his heart speak. “Edward, I never meant for this to happen. I am _so_ sorry! Please, accept my apologies.”

“No, Oswald, _I’m_ the one who's sorry,” Ed said, brows knitted together. “I invaded your privacy. Barging in your bedroom like that… I wasn’t thinking. I apologize.” 

“There’s nothing to apologize for when I’m the one who--” He sighed, feeling helpless. How could one even begin to fix this? “I upset you. And I wish I could take it back but… it’s already done. I don’t even know what to say…” He ran his frozen fingers through his messy hair. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Edward replied and he sounded… understanding. 

“But, Ed, I was--”

“I know what you were doing, Oswald. I have eyes,” Ed said with a soft little chuckle. “I admit I did not expect it, but that’s a normal urge. Yes, you were saying my name and that’s-- unexpected. But we can’t really control our fantasies, can we? And sometimes the things that pop in our head in such moments are… peculiar. They surprise us. But we keep going and… What I’m trying to say is, it’s normal. We’re sexual beings and we succumb to our desires.” 

Oswald had to stop him there. “I want to assure you, Ed, that I've never done this before.” Well, that sounded stupid. He shook his head. “I mean, not with your name on my lips.” 

It was true. And Oswald hated that he had to tell Ed that. He wasn’t sure what Ed would think about all this, but the last thing he expected to hear was, “Who’s name is it usually?” 

Oswald blinked. Ed had blurted out his response so unexpectedly, it caught Oswald off guard. “Well, I, umm,” he stuttered awkwardly. 

Judging by the look on his face, Ed too was surprised by his own question. “Crud. What am I saying?” he shook his head and pressed his fingers to his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I asked that.” 

“You should stop apologizing, Edward. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Oswald said. Then added a little more nervously, “Unlike me…”

This time he couldn’t help himself. He averted his eyes down to his bare feet. He didn’t want to know what he might read on Edward’s face at this moment. He wasn’t strong enough for that. 

“Oswald… Am I correct to assume that you find me… attractive?” 

_Boy! This wasn’t going to be easy…_ Oswald’s gaze was still cast down. 

“B-because that’s fine,” Edward continued, trying hard to sound placid. “Feeling attraction is completely normal. If anything, I’m flattered.”

Oswald’s head snapped up to stare at Ed with surprise. His eyes went wide and his jaw slacked. He wanted to say something but only gaped at Ed instead. 

Ed proceeded, “Just because we're friends it doesn't mean we can't notice certain things about each other. You can find me attractive, as can I you, without it having to be weird. It's only physical attraction, after all. A need for… for…” He trailed off for a moment, as if unsure what word he wanted to use. “A need for intimacy,” he finally settled on.

Oswald was still silent. Then he felt Ed’s hand on his and nearly flinched at the warm touch. Did Edward realize that Oswald had his cock in that hand not a moment ago? It was good Ed was only touching Oswald's wrist or else Oswald would've felt even more embarrassed. 

“I want you to know that it's all good and I'm happy you're exploring that side of you,” Ed went on with surprising calmness. “You've never even mentioned your sexuality before so I assumed... But that doesn't matter now. What's important is that you are getting to know yourself. Have you always known?” 

“That I’m gay?” Oswald asked helpfully. He wasn’t sure if “gay” covered it well enough. His sexuality was… complicated. The only people he ever felt attracted to were Jim Gordon back when they were more “friendly”, and now Ed who was _literally_ Oswald’s best friend. Was something terribly wrong with Oswald that he only ever felt like this for his closest friends? He didn't want to ask Ed that. He didn't want Ed to think him weird. But Ed seemed to be taking all of this rather well, so perhaps this was a conversation they could eventually have. “I suppose on some level I always suspected it,” Oswald replied. 

Edward smiled warmly at him. “I’m glad. It’s good to know yourself.” 

“Mhm,” Oswald agreed awkwardly. There was so much more he wanted to tell Ed! Perhaps now was his chance? 

He was about to open his mouth to tell Ed the truth but then, “I myself often question my sexuality,” Ed said, matter of factly, and Oswald froze in his place. “In a way it's good to know I'm not the only one. That we have that in common too.” 

Oswald had a million questions! But he waited for Ed to elaborate, not wishing to crowd the other man. 

“I mean, I’ve only ever been with Kristen, and that was _one_ time.” Ed blushed, seemingly embarrassed by his lack of experience. If he only knew that this was still one time more than Oswald's own experience. Ed went on, “I can't help wondering how things would be with Isabella. You see, we haven’t yet… _gone there_.” 

Oswald nodded. Perhaps this was more information that he wished to know. But it was good Ed shared stuff with him, right? 

“I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be with a man,” Edward announced and Oswald’s heart skipped a beat. He hated the hope that settled in his heart, mostly because he knew that changed nothing. 

“You have?” 

Ed nodded. “Yes. It’s not a recent thing, actually, I’ve always--” He cut himself off and looked Oswald carefully in the eyes. “You don’t mind us talking about these things, do you?” 

“No! Not at all,” Oswald reassured. 

“Oh, good. Because we don’t usually.”

“I guess it never really came up…” Oswald muttered. 

“Come inside, Oswald. We can talk some more?” Ed offered, inviting Oswald into his bedroom. 

Oswald felt much more relaxed now. He nodded with a small smile and entered. They sat on Edward’s bed, like they used to back in Ed’s loft when Oswald was injured, and Oswald tried not to think about what else they could be doing on that bed. 

Instead he turned to Ed, encouragingly. “You were saying?”

“Right.” Ed swallowed. “When I was a teenager I realized I felt more attracted to guys, than girls. I didn’t really have much information at the time, but I got some books to educate myself.” 

Oswald imagined teen Ed educating himself on sex and smiled fondly at the image in his head. Edward was such a darling! 

“Then I got some magazines too, with pictures, and… I wanted to explore this. I wanted to learn, to know what I wanted and what I liked.”

Oswald nodded, his smile disappearing now that he felt the story was taking a more serious turn. “That’s understandable. And perfectly normal for someone that age.”

“P-perhaps but…” Ed sounded more nervous now, as if he was reliving whatever event was happening next in his story. “One day my father found them. The magazines, the pictures, my little doodles, everything. And he was _furious_. I don’t think he’d ever yelled at me the way he did then. And he usually yelled a lot. It was really bad. He was violent and-- and-- it was not a good memory.”

Evidently! Oswlad felt so sad that Edward had to go through something like that! They never discussed Ed’s childhood much. Now Oswald could see why. 

“Ed, I’m so sorry…” he said with compassion. 

Ed only shrugged, a melancholy smile gracing his beautiful face. “There's nothing to be done about it now. But after that incident I tried to only look at the girls. Hence Kristen. She was the most feminine woman I've ever seen. I thought that was the sort of person I should love. And now Isabella who looks so much like Kristen, that sometimes it gets confusing who I’m with…” He shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m very glad I met Isabella.” Oswald suppressed the pang of pain in his heart and continued to listen to what Ed had to say. “But a part of me still wonders…” 

Oswald tilted his head. “Wonders about what?”

Ed met his gaze. “What if I kept exploring? What if I tried being with a man? How would it make me feel? Would it have felt right? Better?” He sighed. “I don’t know, I guess I just wish I knew that before I got more serious with Isabella.” 

Oswald’s mouth was dry. “Why haven’t you tried, then?” he asked before he could think better of it. “You’re no longer a boy, your father has no say in this. You’re a handsome man, powerful too. I’m sure there’d be a lot of guys who’d want to be with you.” 

Ed chuckled. “You’re so kind to say that. But this kind of experiment requires trust. At least for me. I don’t trust any of those hypothetical men. So I can’t do that with them. I need someone I’m close with. Someone who'd understand what this means to me. Someone who truly cares.” 

Oswald swallowed, his heart hammering wildly in his chest. Their eyes met for a long moment as strange energy vibrated between them. Oswald felt like he could drown in those eyes, he was so mesmerized by them. It only took a moment and then before he knew what he was doing, Oswald was already kissing Ed. 

It surprised him, he did not expect such a sudden burst of courage. But the most remarkable part was that Edward did not pull away! In fact, after the initial wonderment, he was kissing back! And it was everything Oswald had imagined, and more! So much more! Because this was no fantasy! This was real! 

Edward’s hand reached up to cup Oswald’s cheek, guiding his head gently so that they could deepen the kiss. Oswald melted into it. 

When they finally pulled away Ed rested his forehead to Oswald’s and breathed in and out rather loudly. “Can we do this, Oswald? Can we have sex right now in my bed?” 

Oswald’s cock twitched in interest. He never thought he’d hear Ed say such things to him. It was intoxicating! It was crazy! It was madness! 

“I-- yes! Yes, I want this, Ed!” That was the understatement of the century! Oswald wanted this more than anything he ever wanted in his entire life! But at the same time he couldn’t just go through with it. There were too many things to consider and much as he wanted to, he couldn’t let desire cloud his reason. “... But…” 

Ed pulled away at the sound of that. “But?” 

“What would it mean for us, Ed?”

“I was thinking, an experiment?” Ed suggested. “You get what you want -- a night of passion, and I explore this side of me to know for sure how I feel about it.”

Oswald swallowed. It wasn’t a bad idea but… “What about Isabelle? You said you loved her,” he asked sadly. 

Edward deflated. “Isabella… Yes, I did say I love her.” He looked ahead, rubbing his psalms over his knees. “You know, we don’t have to do this. We can just forget about it.”

His voice was a bit strained. Oswald had never heard him sound like that before. 

“Ed, I didn’t mean t--”

“It’s fine, Oswald,” Ed cut him off quickly. “It’s all fine. Nothing has to change.”

But something _had_ changed. And denying it would only drive them apart from one another. Oswald didn’t want that. He couldn’t lose Ed, not even for one glorious night of lovemaking. 

He reached down and placed a hand on top of Edward’s. “There’s something else I need to tell you. Something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

Edward remained quiet, ever the careful listener. 

“The truth is, I love you, Ed,” he finally said and it surprised him how steady his voice sounded. “I’m not sure when it started exactly. I must’ve loved you for months. But I realized it that evening after Butch tried to kill us. When we hugged in front of the fireplace. That’s when I knew.” 

Edward’s lips parted in surprise. “That was quite a while ago, Oswald!” 

Oswald nodded. “Yes. It was.” He swallowed. “I wanted to tell you earlier but I just couldn't gather my courage. And then it was too late.” 

Edward’s eyebrows were knitted together. “That dinner I missed. You were planning to tell me then?” 

There was no point denying it. “Yes.” 

“And I came home the next morning, declaring my love for Isabella.” 

That was one way to put it. “Ironic, isn’t it?” Oswald did his best not to sound bitter. 

Ed growled and covered his face with his hands. “Ugh! I’m such a fool!” 

Oswald frowned. “You’re not a fool, Ed.” 

“How could I not notice! It was staring me right in the face!” 

Oswald had no idea what to say. He could see Ed was upset, but there was nothing he could do about it. 

“Well, I guess… I guess some things remain hidden to us when we don’t suspect their existence,” he said, hoping that was at least somewhat reassuring. 

Ed dropped his hands down and looked at Oswald again. “All this time I thought I didn’t have a chance with you.” 

_Say what now?_

“I tried to hint at it, tried flirting. You never seemed interested. So I thought I had to move on.” 

Was Edward for real? What was happening? Oswald’s senses were on overload. 

“I thought you didn’t care for love so I tried to learn to be content with friendship instead. That’s why Isabella was a sign. It was the universe telling me I had a second chance at love. If not with you, then probably with her. She looked so much like Kristen, surely I could eventually learn to love her!” 

Oswald gaped. “Wait. Are you telling me that all this time I was pining after you, you were pining after me?” 

Ed laughed and it sounded crazy. Everything was crazy. “Yes! That’s exactly what I’m saying!” 

“Edward!” He grinned, laughing as well. “You’re an idiot!” 

“And so are you, apparently! We’re both idiots,” Ed’s grin grew even wider. 

Oswald pulled him close enough to kiss and cooed softly. “I guess that means we’re meant for each other.” 

Ed slowly wrapped his arms around Oswald’s waist. God, how good it was to feel him like this! 

“Indeed we are…” Ed held Oswald’s gaze for one long intense moment and then they kissed again. 

This time there was no need for fantasies. Their days and nights of pining were gone. They had each other now, and all their fantasies would come true. 

And as for Isabella… Well, Oswald suddenly felt more benevolent towards her. He wished her reasonable happiness and hoped she’d like spending all her time with her books again. 


End file.
